On the heels of  reports saying Kim’s conspicuous absence at last week’s Met Gala was due to Anna Wintour wanting to stab Kimmy-cakes with the heel of a Louboutin is this story saying Anna isn’t unique in her loathing of the star. This week’s InTouch (via Jezebel) says loads of celebs actually can’t stand the live-action urinal reality star.  A source close to Kim says, ““Poor Kim doesn’t have a friend in the world. She’s always wanted to surround herself with famous people, but they don’t want anything to do with her anymore.”

So let’s go down the list of people (besides moi) who feel like they would catch Kartrashian cooties (better known as herpes) if they get too close to Kim:

Michael Kors.  His clothing line may be mostly boring, but his taste is people is to be commended!  When Kim called him for help securing an invitation to attend the Gala, he pretended to not be at home and let the phone keep ringing:

Kim also thought she might attend the Met gala with Kanye, and asked Michael Kors to dress her. He didn’t respond.

GOOP.  This is no surprise, as Kim is beneath Queen Gwyneth Paltrow (as is the entire world.)  While Kim is known for being the real life urinal cake of a try-hard R&B singer, Gwyneth is more interested in helping people cleanse their colon for $400, or giving tips on how to dress your children in Alpaca wool made exclusively in Bolivia.  Speaking of GOOP, let’s go on to her BFF’s.

Beyonce.  Apparently, after Kim’s over-the-top wedding to Kris Humphries last year, they avoided her like the plague.  They were supposedly at one time friends, but soon Bey was telling Kim she was too busy to hang out because she was re-arranging her wig drawer.

Halle Berry. Kim “dated” (read: fucked) her ex and baby-daddy Gabriel Autry for a month back in 2010.  Halle Berry is crazy as hell and probably trying to figure out how get rid of  Gabriel and make it look like an accident as I type this, so it’s no shock she’d loathe anyone connected to him and/or his peen.

Anderson Cooper.  He has no tolerance for anything named Kartrashian, because he is a flawless human being.

This post is brought to you by the letters “E” and “wwwww” and sponsored by the words “the fuck?!”

Kenickie’s (AKA Jeff Conoway) widow Vikki Lizzi told The National Enquirer it’s not just massage therapists John Travolta tries to get to tickle his taint.

Tell me more…tell me more…

Lizzi claims back in the 90′s, Revolta was having a sleepover at their house, but overstayed his welcome when Kenickie woke up and his greased lightening was in Zuko’s mouth. Yeah, you read that right.

The Enquirer (via the NY Post) says:

The late Conaway allegedly said he was so dismayed to wake up and find his friend giving him oral sex that it ended his long relationship with Travolta.

Kenickie’s widow says the entire incident was so appalling for the late actor that he referenced in a suicide note back in 2006 (his attempt failed).

Lizzi also claims the whole “married to Kelly Preston” thing is just a front for the actor, but Kelly’s cool with being Revolta’s beard.  Lizzi tells STAR:

“Jeff told me that John and Kelly’s marriage was an arrangement,” she told Star magazine. “Jeff said that Kelly knows that John is gay, and that’s why she’s OK with it.”

Revolta’s lawyer maintains that all the recent allegations against his client are total tabloid bullshit.  After a former Laguna-Niguel masseuse claimed he and the actor had “great sex,” Revolta attorney Marty Singer released this statement:

“This spate of recklessly published tabloid stories is just part of a malicious tabloid agenda to boost lagging sales by running outrageous defamatory stories about my client sourced by people seeking notoriety or a payday.”

Whether or not Revolta actually wrapped his mouth around Kenickie’s Ra-ma la-ma la-ma ka ding a da ding de dong, I will never be able to watch that movie without picturing that visual.  Damn it.

At this point, I’d really wish this shit would stop, because I can only write about Revolta flirtily flexing his asshole for some unsuspecting masseuse so often before images start to burn into my mind that I can’t erase, even with all the vodka in the world. (Trust me, I’m trying.)

Jenny McCarthy is posing in Playboy!  Nearly 20 years after she first showed the world her chi-chis and hoo-ha for the magazine, she’s decided to do it again.

Jenny, who is 39 now, appeared in the magazine in 1993 – and her appearance garnered her the highly coveted (not really) honor of Playmate of the Year.   Since then, she’s gone on to do other things, including co-hosting the 90′s hit MTV show Singled Out…and…erm…she’s done some other stuff, including Jim Carrey for a few years.

Jenny’s spread (pun intended) will appear on the cover of the July/August issue.

The legend of Ron Burgundy continues!

In case you missed it earlier this week, we got our first teaser poster for the highly-anticipated and longly awaited sequel to 2004′s Anchorman!

The poster has an oddity regarding the legs of the characters, which sparked discussion on the Interwebz about the meaning behind it. There’s also a question whether the official title is: Anchorman: The Legend Continues or whether it’s just a tag line for the movie.  But no matter,  my giddiness can not be contained!  So, what better way to kick off a Friday than with this awesomeness.

Stay classy, San Diego!

TNA Wrestling announced that they have signed Hulk Hogan’s 24-year-old daughter, Brooke, to their organization. Hogan will not be physically wrestling in ring, but will rather act as “Executive in Charge of the female wrestling division, The Knockouts” on TNA’s weekly show on Spike TV, Impact Wrestling – this according to TNA’s press release.

The new TV show will premier on Thursday, May 31 and will feature other stars including Hulk, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, James Storm, and a few other famous pro wrestlers that I don’t recognize.

Per IMDb, Brooke has not quite given up her attempts at a movie career yet. She has a movie called Devour that is due out in December, which is about of canabal kids and a movie and a movie called Vengeance Wears a Skirt, which is about a diamond heist.

I guess a paycheck is a paycheck.

Van Halen has canceled 30 scheduled concerts this summer from July to September for no apparent reason. Apparently Van Halen wants to adopt a teacher’s schedule and not work over the summer months.

Apparently Van Halen has only postponed the shows, not canceled, which means – hypothetically – these people will still get to see a Van Halen show, just not when they originally wanted to see it.

Here’s a list of the tour dates that were canceled:

7/7  Uncasville, Ct., Mohegan Sun Arena
7/9  Hampton, Va., Hampton Coliseum
7/11  Philadelphia, Pa., Wells Fargo Center
7/13  East Rutherford, N.J., Izod Center
7/15  Baltimore, Md., 1st Mariner Arena
7/17  Rochester N.Y., Blue Cross Arena
7/19  Detroit, Mich., Joe Louis Arena
7/21  London, Ontario, John Labatt Centre
7/24  Toledo, Ohio, Huntington Center
7/26  Grand Rapids, Mich., Van Andel Arena
7/28  Cleveland, Ohio, Quicken Loans Arena
7/31  Fort Wayne, Ind., Allen County Memorial Coliseum
8/2  Columbus, Ohio, Schottenstein Center
8/4  Knoxville, Tenn., Thompson-Boiling Arena
8/6  Memphis, Tenn., FedEx Forum
8/8  Birmingham, Ala., BJCC Arena
8/10 Greenville, S.C., BI-LO Center
8/1  Cincinnati, Ohio, US Bank Arena
8/21  Spokane, Wash., Spokane Arena
8/23  Portland, Ore., Rose Garden
8/25  Sacramento, Calif.,Power Balance Pavilion
8/28  Fresno, Calif., Save Mart Center
8/30  Reno, Nev., Reno Events Center
9/4  Salt Lake City, Utah — EnergySolutions Arena
9/8  Albuquerque, N.M., Tingley Coliseum
9/11  El Paso, Texas, Don Haskins Center
9/13  Austin, Texas, Frank Erwin Center
9/15  Oklahoma City, Okla., Chesapeake Energy Arena
9/17  Wichita, Kan. – Intrust Bank Arena
9/21  Moline, Ill., Iwireless Center
9/25  Milwaukee, Wis., Bradley Center

Sister, Sister and now The Game actress, Tia Mowry announced today on her twitter account that she is going to leave The Game after this season, which only has two more episodes left.

This news is kind of sudden for her fans who are wondering how, in the next two episodes, they are are now going to explain what will happen to Mowry’s character, who will not be present next season.

There are also rumors that Tia’s husband on the show, Pooch Hall, has been thinking about leaving the show as well.

Tia has said why she’s leaving the show. There are reports that Tia and the network, BET, are both mutually agreeing to end the relationship, but that’s usually what they say to lessen the anger.

Yet another accuser has come forward speaking out against John Revolta, and as I was teeing up to write yet another John–Travolta-blew-anal-kisses-at-a-masseuse story, I decided to go a different route.  Since about the same Revolta was accused of sexual assault last week, I’ve also been reading the Fifty Shades of Shit trilogy.  And yes, it is shit.  The last time I tried to read a book this bad was Twatlight, and I gave up on the first novel halfway through.

Considering I’m convinced that EL James formula for writing the Fifty Shades of Shit books went something like this:

Twatlight + Buttloads of  Sex + Inner Goddess – Sparkly Vampires = 50 Shades of Grey

Another way to sum it up: it’s like dividing by zero.

I’m not surprised I hate the series so much.

While reading the Revolta accusers claims, I couldn’t help but think that a good portion of their allegations could also be quotes from these atrocious novels, since both come off as horribly written fanfiction.

So, I decided to play “Guess the Quote: Fifty Shades of Grey or John Travolta Assault Claim”

And here we go!

[He] was masturbating, penis was fully erect, and was roughly 8 inches in length.

Answer: Revolta!  From John Doe #1′s initial filing:

“Travolta, had removed his draping and was masturbating. Travolta’s penis was fully erect, and was roughly 8 inches in length, and his pubic hair was wirey.”

His lips are parted – he’s waiting, coiled to strike.

Answer:  Fifty Shades! A tell-tale clue were the words lips.  Had the word anus been used, it most likely would’ve been Revolta.

“I could see [his] erection.  He moved around and started to breathe heavily. He [said], “Oh yeah, that feels so good!”

Answer:  Revolta!  This account is from Luis Rodriguez, a masseuse who told the National Enquirer he actually had sex with the actor after Travolta did his flirty-anus-wink at him during a 1997 massage at at the Laguna-Niguel Ritz-Carlton.  (And I now need to wipe this from my mind before I cry.)

As I approached, he took off his white coat and was naked. He hugged me.

Answer: Also Revolta!  This is from former Royal Caribbean massage therapist, Fabian Zanzi!  Zanzi said he was offered $12k by John to have sex with him, but he turned it down. (I’d do it for $12k, but I have no ethics or morals. But, alas, I’m neither a masseuse nor a male.)

“I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind.”

Answer: Fifty Shits!  After Christian Grey spanks heroine Ana on the ass, he offers to soothe his punishment with baby oil, which Ana notes is a very “versatile” substance, since it also acts as a makeup remover.  How insightful.

Sweat was pouring down [his] neck, and he asked [me] again to say something nice to him.”

Answer: Revolta!  Probably my favorite quote from all the allegations.  Say something nice to him? Really?  For some reason, I hope if this actually happened, John Doe #1  responded back with something like “I loved your acting in Welcome Back, Kotter...?” or “Your hair weave looks nice?”

He bends to kiss me the grabs the small bowl on the table that contains the butt plug, the tube of lubricant, the blindfold.

Answer:  While I’m sure reading these words would have Revolta’s rectum quivering in giddy anticipation, the quote is actually from Fifty Shades of Grey! 

[He] still had an erection and wanted his abdominals done, but [his]erection was in the way and he refused to have his penis covered by a sheet of a pillow case cover…[he] started masturbating…

Answer: Revolta!  From John Doe #2′s account of their massage.  Yep, feel the bile burn the back of your throat!

The strands of the flogger skim across my swollen [pregnant] belly at an aching, languorous pace.

Answer:  Obviously this is from Fifty Shits…but damn.  And Ewww.  I can’t believe this book is a best-selling novel, as it’s one of the worst things I’ve ever read.   RIP literature.

And I’m this ending here, because between pregnant S&M sex and details of John Travolta’s penis and pubes,  my head is about to explode from grossness.

Donna Summer has gone to the big disco in the sky.  TMZ is reporting the legendary singer and disco queen Donna Summer succumbed to her battle with cancer.  She was 63 years old.

According to TMZ,  Donna passed away in Florida this morning, though no further details were given.

Donna’s place in music history is forever cemented.  I missed the whole disco era by several years, but Last Dance is and always be “must play” music at nightclubs.  Everyone  knows that when you start to hear the familiar first strains of it, you need to that last drink because the house lights are coming up soon.

RIP, Donna. Because of you, we know to look for hot stuff, to feel love (one of my fave songs, ever!), work hard for the money and will always enjoy that last dance.  Your music will live on forever and transcend generational gaps.

Donna Summer has gone to the big disco in the sky.  TMZ is reporting the legendary singer and disco queen Donna Summer succumbed to her battle with cancer.  She was 63 years old.

According to TMZ,  Donna passed away in Florida this morning, though no further details were given.

Donna’s place in music history is forever cemented.  I missed the whole disco era by several years, but Last Dance is and always be “must play” music at nightclubs.  Everyone  knows that when you start to hear the familiar first strains of it, you need to that last drink because the house lights are coming up soon.

RIP, Donna. Because of you, we know to look for hot stuff, to feel love (one of my fave songs, ever!), work hard for the money and will always enjoy that last dance.  Your music will live on forever and transcend generational gaps.